guys im back...

sorry...but im really at a loss for words...because there is too much things for me to say... im really going crazy... i flunked yet another test even though i studied hard and tried my best... odds are im gonna fail my modules.. cant really comphrehend why... shuldnt have got into this course...i got no real friends there.. i feel so lonely... all friends went to the other poly...this poly is just so dull and lifeless.... its no wonder i skipped so many classes...i nearly got debarred from exam... i hate myself for being such a failure... i dunno how am i gonna survive another 3 yrs there... life really sucks... if only i had gone 2 greener pastures..

i once thought im strong emotionally... but realised after all this while i am but weak inside...life is just so lonely and quiet after the people closest to me left 1 by 1... there is no 1 i could talk to...no 1 to share my moments of happiness and sadness together... just why? why am i so weak? why cant i smile like before? God.. tell me why..

[[im sorry that i hurt you...
there's so many things i wish to say to you
but its so hard..
so hard to live life without you
im sorry that i once asked you to do something
that even i now cant accomplish..
its not that i dont want to let you go
its because i have to stick to my promise...
that i will be ur guardian angel
no matter what happens..
i will always be here by your side
but now u feel so suffocated...
i will let you go...
and just standby and watch
but promise me u must be happy....]]

i wish for you to be happy
just wanna remain as mutual friends wif you
justlikebefore...
William Killed Himself on... | 6:55 AM |

Hi guys,
sorry haha... im rather busy nowadays..or very busy....

got to do 3 projects plus some crap tests and quizzes.... coupled together with my cardio-ing schedule....such is the life of a bodybuilder... zzz..

finally i can find some breather, now got the time to blog. but im sick, my clsmate jaslyn passed it to me yesterday... guess that is why they say when ya sick shouldnt go to school...

sorry.. think my post today kinda sucked... that's wad happens when u are not feeling good..no worries.. im better now..did some push ups and made myself sweat... was supposed to run 3.5km today..but i think i will save it for tml... planning to run to punggol station from my hse...

alright.. will blog again tml..today...juz no mood...

byes....

[ glad that u are happy like once before..]
[ im happy that u got reliable frends now...]
[ cant nag at you right now, but if u reading this, remb to take ur med and avoid junk foood...take bittergourd.. and it can improve salivation and your throat..]
[ take care of yourself.. esp on ur way home..]
[all the best]
William Killed Himself on... | 7:09 AM |

hi guys,

surprised to see me back here after so long huh? but nvm, i dun think any1 really bothers about this blog now, since it's like dead. Though its kinda funny, when i had the eminem template before this. PPL thought i was eminem, how crazy that sounds.

But let's get back to things. Much has happened during these few months of my absence. And i really do mean much. i will touch on those in the near coming future, not now. All i can say i have experienced moments of unforgettable happiness and joy in my life, as well as the most painful moments and memories, set to leave me scars for the rest of my life. i truly hate what i did, and i hate myself for that moment of folly, making me lose the very happiness and joy which i truly appreciate and love. i doubt they will return, though everyday i hoped in despondency that they will return, somehow things will turn for the better.......

okay, anyway, i'm now studyin in nyp sports and wellness management, for those who dunno. damn, i wonder if i ever got into the wrong course, but heck, i hate the business side of things. perhaps i wasnt made to count $$. but in any case, i feel so lonely even after going to poly. juz couldnt click on wif my class, i dunno why. Its a huge contrast compared to when im wif my sec sch mates. hell, its fun being wif them, i really missed and loved their company. guess they really know and appreciate the person im really am, unlike poly, so fucking boring.

maybe im racist, maybe im a introvert ( i doubt ) , or we juz cant click.

damn, i got to go study for my accounts. screw it.

signing off,
Mr Noob

[ i will never forget the time we spent together]
[but i will also never forget the hurt i did to you]
[ i will never forgive myself, and the guilt will stick onto me 4ever...]
[not unless u forgive me and let go of things..]
[ cos i really wish for you to be happy...]
[ i hate myself..]
William Killed Himself on... | 7:15 AM |